was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
