If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
