All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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