So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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