How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
