but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
