cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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