she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
