At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
