I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
