are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
