I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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