And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
