btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
40s are totally the cure
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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