I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
