I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
