he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
