Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
