Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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