She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize