just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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