I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
