I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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