Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Are we still banned from the library?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
