Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
