Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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