he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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