Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
