college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
