What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
