Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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