Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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