Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
