even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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