You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
