Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I puked a lego.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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