tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
there is glitter all over my balls
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