Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
