I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
