Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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