I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
