You can't motorboat a personality
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
