My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
