Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
