Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
