im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You smell like stripper and shame
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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