if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
