Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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