She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
