I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
