I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
