you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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