yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
