Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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