I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
two words: eviction party
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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