You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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