I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
