I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
