Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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