sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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