dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
