Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
