He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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