Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
