He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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