trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
