so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
