just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
