how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
