I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
