i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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