so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
