Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
