Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
