Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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