I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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